I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
