I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize