So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
