the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
