I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
