Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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