When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
