dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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