Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
