i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
