ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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