I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
