he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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