I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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