You don't have asthma, your pregnant
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize