I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
