I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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