dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
