What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
