Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
