The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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