and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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