the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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