But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize