Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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