Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
