My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This baby is an asshole
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
