I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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