What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
