We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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