I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
