His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we're making bets on your personal life
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
