someone threw a dead crab at me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
