I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
