Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
