she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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