mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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