so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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