Swine flu. Run for my life!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
