He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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