i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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