no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
