im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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