she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
