I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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