I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
