Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
