So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
