You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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