Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Damn victory sex feels great
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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