It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
