please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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