did you get engaged???
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
