I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
