Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
