new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
