She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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