I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
