Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
