I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
