i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
