the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
