my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
