There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
