Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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