Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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