It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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