I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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