Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
