So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
