Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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