went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
