you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
