haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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