You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
