grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
