Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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